For the last few weeks I have seen many comments judging Harleen Nottay on the decisions she made during her stint on Britain’s Next Top Model mainly because of her claim to be a Sikh.
We have called her a disgrace for Sikhs, attacked her right to call herself a Sikh and much more. In our attempts to disown her and raise a finger at her actions; we forgot about ourselves.
The majority of the Sikh Youth has made mistakes that would be considered against Sikhism and, applying the principle equally, all should be rebuked in the same fashion. But it seems we Sikhs only like to create issues about the things we cannot sweep under the rug.
These past weeks, I have seen people question why we have an article about Harleen on a Sikh website, I have seen people try to ignore her and seen others put her down. Why has there been such a negative reaction? That's easy. Ms. Nottay brought into the spotlight an issue that we would have rather have kept hidden. Yes, she was wrong for the anti-Sikh behavior she exhibited on national TV while claiming to be a Sikh. And, yes, she is bearing the results of her actions, but she shouldn’t have to bear them alone. The media, her family and all of Sikh community should together rise and share in the brunt of her actions.
Turn on the TV on any given day to any Punjabi channel showing music videos and you’ll see people going against Sikhi. One minute these singers, sporting huge necklaces with Khanda, are singing about alcohol, girls and everything else that is against Sikhi’ and the next minute the same guy is singing about Sikhi and everything that is pro Sikhism. What kind of message does that send to the youth? That it is okay to be a Sikh and do whatever it takes to make a quick buck. In movies very little regard is given to Sikhi unless it is a religious documentary, then it’s too boring and no one watches it.
People love to place advertisements in newspapers with pictures of our Gurus, regardless of whether they wear the bana Guru Ji gave them or even follow the most basic rehat. Sikhi is used and abused left and right to make a quick buck. That really sends the wrong message to our youth. They take what they see and they think, 'everyone else is doing it, why not me?' Bombarded with these sort of messages, what else did you expect from Harleen? When the media betrays us, our parents are supposed to step in and tell us right from wrong.
Harleen's parents never stepped in. They supported her in everything, regardless of where it stood with Sikhism. The first generation of Sikhs in any country had to create a new life in a new country without outside support. That meant long hours away from the family to earn money and no Gurudwara Sahibs to reinforce Sikh values. When the parents did get time to spend with the kids, it wasn’t spent teaching about Sikhism. Kids, like Harleen, never learned what Sikhism truly is. The only thing they were taught was to wear a Kara and say with pride that they are Sikhs. How to do you expect someone to be a good Sikh, when they don’t even know what it means to be a Sikh?
Harleen did what anyone in her place might have done. She lived her dream and put Sikhi on the back burner. How could she give something she barely knows anything about more importance then her dream? A dream in which her parents supported her? She couldn’t. Her dream came first because that’s what she was taught growing up. She does know some things about Sikhi, she shows regret over some of her moves but her education was not strong enough to overcome the challenges of her dream. Her weak faith is a very direct reflection on a weak community.
The community not only let Harleen down, but it let down thousands of other young Sikhs. We weren’t able to teach her what Sikhi really is before she made her mistakes. And now after she made her mistakes, we aren’t trying to support her or reach her to help her fix her ways. All we are doing is pointing our fingers self-righteously and condemning her for her actions.
How many people stood up and said, “Harleen, you’re not living the lifestyle of Sikh. Let’s work together to help you find something you love doing that is in alignment with Sikhi?"
There is huge dearth of Sikh role models, and given the right examples and opportunities Harleen could have become one. We didn’t do that for her and we still aren’t doing that. We are so busy playing the blame game that we aren’t working compassionately with Harleen to help her to pick a better path and inspire her about Sikhi. All we are doing will most likely make her resent us and possibly drive her even further from Sikhi. Who would want to associate with such self-rightous, judgmental people?
Our community has not only let Harleen down but also millions of other youngsters who are walking on the wrong path. Many of us youth, especially in the smaller Sikh communities, simply get overlooked. We have no programs for us to learn about Sikhi. No programs designed to give us the living experience of our Guru. No programs for youth to be involved in Seva activities, nor do we even have access to the Gurudwara Sahib other than on Sundays, when everything is done by others and we have no chance to actively participate. How come the community never steps in before everyone feels it is time to wash their hands of us?
The community, the parents and the media are just as much to blame as Harleen for her actions. Harleen should be able to overcome her mistakes and work towards being a good Gursikh and being successful as well, as should any person who has made a mistake. And we as a community should support Harleen without holding her past over her head.
Let us stop condemning her and focus instead on ourselves.
Let us boycott all items and people that exploit Sikhi to make money. Let us set higher standards for the media. Let us spend less time earning money and more time with our own children teaching our kids Sikhi, and most importantly, sharing our own experience of it.
And let us, as a community, reach out to our youth and, rather than clucking our tongues and pointing our fingers, inspire them and support them be better Sikhs.
Harleen Redux