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Sunday, 30 November 2014: The balance of life seems to be one of a mystery. Gurbani talks about the flow of life and, at times, to enter that flow seems so simple but there are so many conflicts in a day which makes me forget about that flow. Sometimes the conflict can be so overwhelming that I forget that all of this is indeed an illusion. When I get in that state, I say I feel blurry - so wrapped up in my mind and the dramas within it.
 My husband I and have bought a house and we both are striving for an earthy ‘humble home’. We are purchasing items for the home. The purchasing list seems to be never ending and there is a constant battle of whether we want an item or need an item. Gurbani talks about humbleness and humility often and I have realised that there are various perceptions of humbleness. I have observed that many feel that humbleness is ‘showing’ you have nothing; so they wear clothes to represent this, they tell others that they do not want much or need much, they tell people they do not have money or possessions. Many people believe by not spending their money they are living a humble life, instead they hoard their money as though it will slip away from them at any moment. I wonder whether this is a clever ego that tells them this is the way the humble are meant to live, but in fact it is a perception and an illusion of humbleness, it seems to be an attachment to a perception of humbleness instead of true humility.
So, what is the balance of spending money ‘humbly’ and not being attached to the possessions and what they may represent?
 My husband and I are lucky enough to have many similarities. However, there are many things that we disagree on. We have had conflict over the practicalities and style of some of the stuff we are buying. My personal way of spending is, buy an excellent quality, practical and stylish item that will last as long as possible. He agrees BUT the ‘stylish’ aspect he recognises that I have pride with. Personally, I know when I like something, and I know when I don’t - usually with one look. Sundeep (my husband) says I am an ultimate ‘maximiser’, I will look for the best quality thing without compromising on the item, my response was ‘well honey, if I wasn’t a ‘maximiser’ I wouldn’t have chosen you!’
I would say my husband is stingy and he would say I’m frivolous with money. Personally, I have always been comfortable with the amount that I spend and the amount that I do not. And in contrast, you hear about people that have spent their whole lives saving money. Some people find pleasure in spending their money and attempt to seek for happiness in their possessions. Guruka Singh in one of his videos talks about money being a flow of energy that flows through you as it comes and it goes. I suppose it depends on the intention of how that money is spent or kept. If you feel that money and its possessions will bring you happiness, I suppose you are in a losing battle. It is important to be practical about money, but I feel hoarding your money is the same attachment as being attached to the possessions you spend with that money. So I pose the question, how can you be humble with spending money?
What is humbleness? My friends and I were having a discussion over dinner the other day about humbleness. Many of us felt that humbleness was a flow of life in which we realise that our actions and possessions are not ours; becoming aware that we do not possess our items nor do we take ownership in our successes. For me, I realise that when I do something good, my mind can take ownership over the action, ‘I earned this, I did this, I achieved this, I own this, I bought this…I … I … I’ who is this I? The ego. As soon as there is a shift in thanking guru for the possessions or success, a wave of gratitude forms in my essence. These waves are rare and more often than not I have conflict over not feeling this gratitude, instead I hear the voice in my head saying; ‘I earned that money! It is MY money! That was MY idea!” or “I did that first!” or “I got them those grades!” the ‘I’ seems never ending.
On the path to seeking joy, I know I can feel negative with the conflict, however I also can feel gratitude for the little awareness I do have of my own pride. On my journey to seek humbleness, I imagine placing my body in the palms of Guru. I say, “Take it all, take all my pride and arrogance so I can flow in the ocean of gratitude.” At the dinner with my friends, we finished the conversation with a friend quoting a zen haiku: when a disciple says to his master, “I want happiness”, the master replies, “Take away the ego ‘I’, the desire ‘want’, and you are left with happiness.”
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