My
older son Baltej (5) has been wearing glasses for almost a year now,
our doctor recommended that we get our younger son Himmat (3) checked
since astigmatism is hereditary and if caught earlier can prevented from
getting worse and sometimes even corrected.Sure
enough Himmat will also need glasses. Yesterday I was reminded about a
quality about family and community that is essential, support. As part
of trying to get Himmat excited to wear his glasses we would pep talk
him and tell him he will look so good in them, and he will be able to
see better. Baltej noticed us doing this one my wife’s comments was
something along the lines of you will look handsome. To this Baltej
said
“… no everyone will laugh at him first then he will be handsome, but even if everyone laughs at him I won’t laugh”
To
me this was something that reminded me that my kids are getting older. Baltej is now able to reflect on his own experience know how it caused
him to feel, and how he would not want someone else to feel the same
way. He was the first child in our family and extended friends circle
to have glasses, and obviously in our community there was a lot of
verbal reaction of which ranged from ‘wow’ to ‘he wears glasses because
he watches too much TV?’ , and of course everyone did laugh and smile
when they saw him. I guess he remembers that and how it made him feel
and he was not going to subject his brother to the same treatment.
Sure
enough as we picked up Himmat’s glasses and they were fitting them to
his size, Baltej sat next to his younger brother, with a very somber
look. As he was getting fitted I chuckled a little seeing him in
glasses squinting his eyes and nose as they felt weird to him. As I was
smiling Baltej said “Its not funny daddy” as to protect Himmat from any
sort of negative feelings he may experience. After they were finished
with the fitting of the glasses, I took a picture of both of them,
Baltej’s facial expression in this picture, and his physical hand around
his brother reminded me how important and integral support is for
individuals.
It
was true Baltej did not laugh at Himmat when he wore his glasses, he
just offered something that we see so less in our communities in
sometimes even our own families, he offered his silent support. He sat
by and he spoke up when I chuckled. This instinct of taking care of our
own fades as we get older and we experience life and brutality of how
everyone treats everyone else.
We
seldom spare our own family members, our own community in making fun or
applying salt on someone’s wound. But we rarely are there for support,
when someone is down to pick them up, when we can reflect our own
experience to make sure someone else does not go through the same
thing. In a way I was really proud of Baltej, he had shown sensitivity
to something I had really forgotten. He put himself in the other
person’s shoes, he used his own experience to drive his action to
support his younger brother, this is something I wish I could say I
taught him. We often want our children to support each other, but maybe
there is nothing to teach, this is just something that we have to teach
how not to forget!
We
look around us very…emotionally disconnected. We have experienced the
same fears, and pains as those in our community yet we are never there
to offer a supportive word, a supportive action, then we wonder why or
how we are such a fragmented society. Sikhs of the past did this not
only for their own, but for others, they would put their life on the
line to save someone else, not because they had anything to gain from
it, but because they understood that injustice, to anyone was unfair.
We
have stopped ‘feeling’ and become numb to suffering around us to needs
around us. Here was my 5 year old son, barely learning how to read, add
and subtract but he understood the fundamental nature of how to offer a
human touch, how to ‘be present’ with someone like his brother. This
proves that we are born with that instinct to help others, to uplift
others, to support others, but somewhere as we go through life, the
bumps and dents make us numb, they make us forget that instinct.
Thank you Baltej of reminding me that one of the perks to have kids, is to remind oneself of the greatness of innocence!