Mixed faith marriage

[Hannah]

Hi,

I am a catholic woman who is living with a sikh man, we have been together 5 years and want to get married and start a family. My family have met and adore him and approve of our relationship and our want to marry. His immediate family have mixed views, his siblings whom I have met approve, his Father (who is not religioius) is indifferent but his Mother (who is sikh) disaproves greatly. I have not met them yet but recently his Father invited me to meet them to get things out in the open. I want to meet them but am very scared, my partner has been supportive and we have discussed answers to possible questions but he keeps saying that it will make no difference as his Mother strongly believes our marriage would simply be wrong. I am not sure if i can say or do anything to help as I am not Sikh or Indian.

Please advice me on my meeting his parents or do you believe I should walk away, I dont want to be the cause of hurting a family.

[Theodorus]

Hannah ji,

First of all you need to be honest to yourself, the man you love and his family. Don't be rude but be honest.

You say you have discussed answers to possible questions but you have not said how far you are prepared to go for this marriage. The ultimed question being: "Are you prepared to become Sikh in order to marry him" as that would probably solve all your problems. You might think that that is not a fair question as you can turn that around for you friend (is he prepared to become Catholic?) but I think I can pose it like that as I myself have converted from Catholisism to Sikhism. If you are not prepared to do that (becomming Sikh I mean) the next best question would be "How will you raise your children?".
I cannot imagine that the fact that you are not Indian would play a role.
So the big point is: "how far are you prepared to go?". This in fact is the only quetion you need to prepare to answer honestly when meeting with his parents. So you need not be scared just honest.

And if things still will not work out with his mother then the both of you will stand for the difficult decision of having to choose for your marriage or for his mother. That might seem his choise but it is in fact the choise of the both of you.

[singhbj]

Waheguru ji ka khalsa
Waheguru ji ki fateh

Hannah ji,

In modern society; love, sex, living relationship & marriage are all different stages in life whereas in traditional & religious society first three are a taboo, marriage is the righteous path. Moreso as per custom, it is an arrangement between two families and not just two individuals.

Nowdays as majority don't give much emphasis to family, religion, tradition & moral values so marriage is simply two individual's getting into a contract.

Ideally it is best to get the consent and support of parents in matters of marriage.

In your case, can't really say what is right or wrong if guy's father has invited you over then it's best to go. Will only advice that keep an open mind and just be honest (in the sense, commit only to what you can do or adjust). The meeting will help you to make a better informed decision.

All the best

Waheguru ji ka khalsa
Waheguru ji ki fateh